Building Trust In Your Relationship
Unlike a normal friend, a girlfriend or a boyfriend is special, and ultimately privy to every aspect of your life. The two of you can share everything with one another. As a result, however, these relationships are a double edged sword. You and your partner should be able to talk about anything without fear of judgement or dismissal, but the right to withhold information remains equally important.
Everybody has secrets. Not whispered confessions of “I sometimes eat food that’s fallen on the floor” or other, more dramatic counterparts. Hidden pieces of them that are important simply because they belong to that person, and that person alone. Respecting your partner’s boundaries is essential, but also takes a great deal of trust, something easier talked about than implemented. Yet, despite the effort it takes, this is what will keep the two of you going strong for many years to come.
Why is it so hard to trust another person? Part of it has to do with self esteem, and how secure you feel in a relationship. Other aspects of it are completely innocent, you may simply want to know everything about your significant other, simply because you care. This is lovely, yet understandably something you must reign in at times. The slight separation will build two distinct people within the relationship. It shows your partner that you have faith in them, that you aren’t worried about the stability of your relationship and that you are happy.
To trust someone else as much as you trust yourself is ultimately saying that you don’t feel the need to monitor them around the clock. This isn’t something you need to earn in a relationship, it’s a given. How would you feel if you had to repeat every second of your day to your partner? It’s a nice feeling to maintain a little mystery about you, to be able to pick and choose what to share. You can never be comfortable in somebody else’s company if you’re constantly second guessing their every word and action.
Talk, share, but also allow parts of yourself to exist outside of the bubble love creates. Love, trust, happiness, these are feelings you need to give to receive. There are no double standards accepted. Either both of you enjoy something, or neither of you do, and in a stable, constructive and satisfying relationship, you want the best for your partner. Don’t you?
To have a secret isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Everybody has secrets. Eventually they will share these things with you; maybe they won’t. One thing will never change however: a secret reluctantly spilled is not a nice feeling. To believe that you have earned that confession, on the other hand, is the best feeling in the world. Work towards that right, don’t demand it as soon as you start dating. Simultaneously, be open to revealing yourself to your partner as soon as you are able.
Boy meets girl, girl meets boy. They fall in love. The cloud of newly discovered passion will soon thin, giving way to something even better, a friend who is more than a friend. Comfort that enfolds you like a old, much softened blanket. What more could you ask for?