How to Get Your Ex Back

Breaking up with a partner can be very traumatising, especially if the two people have been together for a long time. There are several reasons that may make people to separate, such as; unfaithfulness, cruelty, long distance between them, or meeting a better/new’ lover. However, these people may want to reconcile if they realize they still need each other, or that breaking up in the first place was a grave mistake. The following are ways in which a partner can use to get his/her ex lover back.

Control your instincts

It is very difficult to get back an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, or ex husband/wife, without first re-establishing communication. However, this should be done methodically. The gentleman or lady should not rush things or make hasty decisions, by merely following their instincts, because the instincts can be misleading. It’s therefore important to take some time, and avoid communication immediately after the break up.

Take your time

Controlling your instincts will give you adequate time to think clearly about the whole issue. It’s important to let go the feelings of loneliness, grief, vengeance, hatred and pain, because letting go will help you to think more clearly. This approach will help one to stand straight on his/her feet. Psychologists recommend that after breaking up, both parties should avoid any form of communication, such as texting, calling or sending emails for some time. This is because both parties need time and emotional space to get rid of any negative emotions that resulted from the break up.

List the reasons for the break-up

Once you have gotten rid of the emotional baggage resulting from the separation, it’s important to list down on a piece of paper, all the reasons that led to the two of you breaking up. Recollecting and writing down the mistakes made will help you to objectively think about your inactions or actions, realize and accept your mistakes, and also appreciate the grievances of your former partner.

Re-establish communication with a text message

Once you have done your homework and accepted the mistakes you made, you can consider re-establishing communication with your ex lover by first sending a text message, instead of calling him/her. Separation usually makes the heart grow fonder. Therefore, if your ex partner positively responds to your text message, it means he/she might also be interested in reconciliation.

Send him/her a handwritten letter

Sending your ex partner a letter that has been written by hand will obviously stand out in this digital era. This letter should convey the message that you have accepted the separation, that you have realized your mistakes and that you are sorry about them. This will make your ex-partner believe that you have positively changed, and may encourage him/her to reconcile with you.

Request to take her out for coffee/lunch/dinner

You can make a proposal to your ex partner, that you’d like to meet her over coffee, lunch or dinner, without necessarily calling it a date. This simple message can serve its purpose well, since spending time with your ex partner can rebuild the initial attraction that existed between the two of you. Your ex partner will see the transformation that you have undergone, and this will create a positive impression in their mind.

Avoid pretending during the date

During the initial and subsequent dates, you should just be yourself, instead of pretending to be something/somebody else. Being genuine will make you appear more attractive and charming, and this will give your ex partner the impression that you no longer carry the baggage of hatred grief and vengeance that you both had during and immediately after breaking up.

Meet each other more frequently

By meeting and interacting with your ex partner more frequently in subsequent dates, you will both start enjoying each other’s company. This is important in rekindling the magic that existed when you first met each other.


According to psychologists and relationship experts, following the advice mentioned above will assist most people to get their ex partners back into their lives.